shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
