dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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