why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
