cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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