How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
