I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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