Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
