do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize