Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
