Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just gargled with NyQuil
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
