did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
