i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
