wake up i wanna do it froggy style
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can u get pink eye on your cock?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
