but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im holly from the hills drunk
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
