what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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