she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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