ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
