I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
