I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
