how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
