all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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