One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize