i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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