using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
