I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
