so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i drank out of a bidet.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
