Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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