I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
