and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
