I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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