my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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