and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
