So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
