Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
