sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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