take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
