all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
