My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
