he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
