Have you finally orgasmed yet?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
