I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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