I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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