I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
