I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
