i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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