I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
