Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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