it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
