i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
