does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
