Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
