My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
