I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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