Life is so much better after having sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
