Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
