So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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