apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
bring money and cleavage
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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