Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
