so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
