I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
