my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
