I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
