Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
