i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
