Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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