dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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